Oct 30, 2010

I will only bribe If I get a receipt for the bribe

Oh my.. Immigration again...

Whenever entering and exiting a country, worst part is the immigration counter.

It is well known that bribery is a common thing at immigration counter. I always heard about immigration officers harass people just to get some under table money. Should I say, Under table money is not so suitable word for this environment, 'Above' table money is more adequate.

You won't feel it is subjective unless it becomes your experience.

28 October 2010, one day after Mount Merapi, Indonesia erupted.
Leaving Jakarta after one night stay at Jakarta Airport Hotel.

When I was going to check-in at Singapore Airlines counter, I realised that my departure card was in my passport when I hand in my passport for Visa processing, and it didn't come back with my passport. This spells T.R.O.U.B.L.E. The kind lady told me that I can refill the form and told the officer that I lost the card. This sound easy.

When it is my turn to chop my passport, the officer asked me to wait and he chased after a Korean (which later my friend/colleague told me that he was asking money from the Korean guy). When he came back, innocently I told him I lost my departure card. He asked me try to look for it again, and I look for it in my back, maintaining my coolness. OF course can't find it!

ME: I can't find it. I lost it when I sent my passport for visa.
IO (Immigration Officer) 1 : Have to have the original one, because there is a stamp behind the card.
ME: So how? *thinking maybe he can deport me from the country*
IO 1: I can help you, but with some administration fee.
ME: How much is it?
IO 1: 350 000 rupiah (35 USD)
ME: Will I get a receipt for it? (trying to figure out how much cash rupiah I have)
IO: Receipt??? (Indonesian usually don't understand the word 'Receipt'. I don't know 'Receipt' in Indonesia language. Sign language is 'write the price on a paper'.)
ME: Whom I am paying it to?
IO 1: Me.
IO 1: .....
ME: I don't want to give you the money. I would like to meet your boss.
IO 1: Whose boss?
ME: Your boss.
IO 1: My boss is him (IO 2, the officer at the booth beside him)

IO 2 started to asked questions to IO 1, about my boarding time, how long I stay in Indonesia, what kind of visa I have.

ME: I can pay the money but only with receipt.
IO 2: DID I ASKED MONEY FROM YOU? Who is holding your passport now? (Shouting at me..... Almost cry.....)
ME: You are holding my passport. I trust you. (sending off my sweet and charming smile, while trying to be cool....)

IO 2 started to ask questions, and there is another guy who look kinder asked me questions, where did I stay in Indonesia? What is my business there? Kind of calm me down and boost my confidence.
IO 2 even asked where I get my salary from. I told him the truth.

Suddenly he asked me to go the office.............*office* sound scary.......
Half way he asked me wait there, and he went to another lady officer. The lady officer just write something and it is done. IO 2 gave me back my passport, and I praised him, saying he is good and efficient. Finally he gave the smile.....

A near escape..... A big shock.....

If I really went to the office with the officer, I wonder what will happen then...
If it is in Malaysia, and I am a foreigner, maybe the officer will ask me to strip off and make frog jump...
Stripping off is to make sure I don't hide any weapon under my clothes..
Frog jump is to make sure no drug is hidden in my ass.....
Is Indonesia better than Malaysia?

I still can't believe that they dare to ask for bribe with so many people around.....
No wonder, my dad told me that I have to bribe Indonesia Immigration when go through the immigration...

A simple existence with no meaning left no trace after disappearing from the earth.

Oct 26, 2010

Safety first

These few days, something happen on the gunboat that was reported as First Aid Case, which accident that required first aid attention. As our client is BP, a very strict one, we are having a stand down these 3 days (no operation allowed) because of the case. Investigation Team (IT) from BP is here to investigate the cause of the case, also checking out our safety and quality procedures. IT will be asking us questions which we don't know what it will it be. Our big safety manager sent out an email with some 'soalan bocor (slip questions)' of the 'interrogation'.

*Cut and paste from the email*

Questions they are likely to be asked will be open ended: 

Now is the time to be open, honest and professional but to the point. It is not the time to give a joke, flippant answer or vent any pent up feelings you may have.

Questions such as;  Tell me about what HSE means to you….?  You should have an answer to this question

How do you show Leadership and Commitment……?    Setting the example, ensuring my workers are trained, Holding Safety Meetings, Attending Toolbox Talks, Reporting Accidents, Incidents, Un-Safe Acts and Conditions including Near Misses, ensuring that they have the necessary tools, equipment and PPE.

How do you ensure you and your workers are performing their job safely…..? We hire workers that have experience in their work, We train our workers in their job, We give them the tools, equipment and resources to do their jobs properly and safely We observe our workers performing their work to ensure they are working safely,  We have them follow our Policies and Work Procedures…….

*Our Conclusion from the email*
Scenario: When IT asked us the question
IT: What HSE means to you?
Me: You should have the answer to this questions.

Joking aside, safety is our own responsiblity.
We want to work, and also go home with our hand and toes and nose and ears and eyes and mouth and vital organs attached.
Safety guy in the crew is safety adviser.
The person in charge of safety is the regional HSE guy.

Our commitment as lower level staff in safety is:
- report unsafe act via stop card
- report safe act via stop card 
- practise buddy system, taking care of each other, especially newbies who is wearing orange PPE (usually is green)
- don't do boat to boat transfer without proper PPE and procedures (safety shoes, lifejacket, with someone beside you)

Hopefully all do fine in the 'interrogation' today, so we still can continue the project and get the bonus.

Oct 21, 2010


What is koteka?

It is a men's traditional underwear for aborigines in Papua Island.

What is so special about it?

It is made of guord.

You mean it is hard?

It is not only hard, it is also long. And... it even has kawasari's feather at the end of it. You don't have to take off your underwear when you want to pee.You can just pee through it. No need to go to toilet. Your boss would love you wearing it because no time wasted for going to toilet. However this is only applied to koteka in Irian Jaya. Koteka in Papua New Guinea is shorter. Don't ask me why.

Do you find it is hard to show your sexual interest to a lady? Just wear koteka, save you the time and effort to tell the lady you want her pants off or her skirt flying off. Because koteka moved whenever your organ moved.

Want to get a revenge? Just slap the face of your enemy with koteka and claim it as an accident. Who would ever thought an underwear can hurt anyone. Underwear is always the innocent one.


Oct 16, 2010

when your crush said....

when your crush said marriage is not for him/ her yet....
 IT means that he/she is just not into you!

It is just tips anyway.

We may read lots about these kind of tips. However when we ourself is involving in the event of crushing into someone, our mind just lost its way to nowhere. Our mind may lost its logical, its ego, and start doing stupid stuffs. 

Our mind would also sort of filter of what we want to hear. All we hear is all we want to hear. No matter how many times the person is hinting or tell it to your face, that he/she is just not into you, all the words will go straight to the bin. 

Worst thing is that our mind would juggle around words of a sentence, words of rejection, and turn it into words of acceptance. "You are sweet but there is someone better for you" may turned into "You are sweet, and I think I am the one for you". Scary , right?

Maybe it is why it is call crush, crush the head to the wall and caused permanent head damage and gain the nickname DR. PHD.

Oct 15, 2010


What did I do today?

I googled my name and found a paper wrote by me, published UTM website.
I worked, I mapped, but still don't know how to read a map.
I started counting my days to leave. It start with number 2, which is few. However it is 2 weeks to go.
I have the feeling to blog, but my mind is blank. I only  needed to write.
I sent a sms to my mother with skype, which I know I won't get any reply for it. I sense that she is missing me.
Now drinking 100 Plus while watching Salt and blog.

Oct 10, 2010

Comfortable Zone Episode 2

Once your comfortable zone is intruded, does your body emit an alarm, 'someone is entering your exclusion zone... Someone is entering your exclusion zone...' This sound like the navigation software we have here, Tigerfish (actually is Triggerfish). 

How small is your comfortable zone?

Mine is medium size. 

Recently someone kept appearing beside my face, so near that I can feel the person's breath every time the person turn up beside my face. Not only that... I felt so weird.... The feeling is not good, felt like I want to run away whenever the person is present...

Now I smelled something dead in my room.......

Oct 9, 2010

Comfortable Zone Episode 1

I believe everyone has their own comfortable zone, it is the matter of how big is the buffer.
Generally Asian has bigger buffer of comfortable zone than non-Asian.

Do you noticed that Asian rarely hug or kiss each other, or a.k.a. as Public Display Affection, P.D.A?

O wait... I think a big buffer of comfortable zone is only applicable to conventional generation.

I still remember when the first time an Colombian guy gave me a cheek to cheek greeting. After he left my office, I was laughing uncontrolled. It feels weird, but it was fine. 

I am not good with hug greeting, because most of the time I don't know what should I do with the hand on the person's back. Should I pat lightly? Or just put some pressure on the person's back? Or pat with sound 'pok pok'? While hugging, how should I prevent from body (chest) touching? 

Isn't that a mere handshake is simple enough?

Oct 8, 2010

As cruel as I am to a BIG boss... shhhhh...

something funny happen today... 

A big boss standing at lifejacket zone without life jacket. after he finished whatever he was doing there, I pointed at the sign and told him that he should wear life jacket.


I was jumping in joy saying, "yeah! yeah! Now I have something to write for stop card!"

I guess he heard me.......

I was like a child who found a toy under the bed.

Is it funny? 

Oct 6, 2010

Excuse for no commenting!

excuses for not dropping comments for now...
! I can't access many blogs directly for the place where I work!
! Hence I usually read from google reader!
! There are many collections in my blog list, before I read all latest post, there are more updated post!
! How to finish reading all the post before have update again!
! Can't write comment from google reader!

That's all... Sorry...

Oct 5, 2010

tiger with no tusk

The tiger that has lost its tusk...
The elephant that has lost its tusk???
The tiger that has lost its sharp sharp teeth..... whatever it is, it is sharp.

That is how I felt recently..

The feeling is not about elephant or tiger, the feeling is about the teeth.
I felt powerless.

A tigress without its sharp teeth is a purring cat.
OR a scared cat....

Oct 1, 2010

Get laid OOOO

Someone wrote a comment in my previous previous post... That person suggested me to get laid....

When I read the word 'get laid', I was not sure whether it means 'get sex' or 'get fired'.

1st instinct was to google it (FYI I even googled for 'wanker' before, and one of the meaning is John Howard, Australia ex PM).

The results comprises of laying eggs, looking for sex....

I guess get fired, lay eggs and get sex, all got to do with eggs.

When you are fired, O income.
When lay eggs,  it is O.
When have sex, also have O. Not just one O. But many OOOOOO.

Hence all are about OOOO.

Although there are many men here, I don't think I should get laid with anyone of them.
I am not saying they are not man.
How to work with someone whom you slept with? It would be hard to concentrate when working.
All that you can see is maybe about OOOO. 
And can't laugh about OOOO.
And can't talk about OOOO.

Eventhough Office started with the word O, it is the worst place to start OOOO.  

What about the blogger?

I take that you are interested in me.

I am not that interesting after all. Just Homosapian.

I like to blog because it is not an exam or a speech preparation. No need to have introduction, body and ending. No need proper grammar or vocabulary. 

Most of my posts are very random that I would forgot not long after I wrote it down. Someone told me that my blog is full of 'banana'. Is it so?

This blog started with many tips, and banana, and deep thoughts, and banana, and random thought and emo emo.

Actually in this blog I like to experienced various style of writing, style of no one ever talked about. It is call ghostynana style. Some post written with many similar word if you really take ghostynana as a subject of your PHD  (Permanent Head Damage) research.
If you think my blog is crazy, don't you think the readers are more crazy than the writer???

Anyway, welcome to the blog. Hope you all enjoy it. I don't mind you send me birthday present. :P